Dead Wrong by Wendy L. Callahan
2 Flames = Fizzled?
This novella reads like the bare bones outline of what could be a really great story. It’s like something you’d send out to editors to whet their appetite to see a full manuscript, but as something put out for readers to consume, it’s bland to the palate. Like your missing some ingredient to really bring out the bold flavors and enhance the meal.
Shiva is a fairly new vampire with a past who runs into a slayer, and there is an instant (and I mean of the ‘did anyone see that speeding train’ kind) connection. Her clan leader wants her as a mate, the slayer Desmond wants her as a mate, Shiva wants to forget her past which Desmond has a part in, and the slayers want to take all vamps down, and somehow werewolves are involved. Like I said, lots to work with and it needs the work.
Everything moves too quickly, from the sex, to the reveal of secrets, to the resolution. If the author wants to keep this as a novella, then she needs to go back and rehash the flow a bit. Like bring us in with a brief few paragraphs explaining the relationships and get to the really exciting conspiracy part of the plot. Plus, if the werewolves are a part of this conspiracy it might be a good idea to actually put them in the story and not just talk about them.
If the author plans on turning this into a more fleshed out series, then I don’t know if I’d necessarily put it out there for mass consumption. If it’s meant to stand on it’s own as a full short story, it seriously lacks in a lot of ways. Which is sad, because I’d really like to know more, even with the unsatisfying taste you can tell this chef could be a culinary master if she takes the time to really add the necessary ingredients to this story.